Are You Sure It Wasn’t A Siberian Filigree Hamster?

Staff spotted Mr Ketley stumbling around a corridor with the rat hanging from his neck by its teeth and nurses knocked it off and killed it. Hospital officials said it was a field mouse.

Ah, yes, the well-known man-eating field mouse…

But his mother Pat Boardman told the Mirror: "That's an outrageous claim. He had large, open bite marks.

"I'm appalled that this sort of thing could happen to my son in an NHS hospital in this day and age.

"He was completely helpless and terrified. It's a disgrace. He was very scared and the staff had to show him they had killed the rat to prove it could no longer hurt him."

The field mouse, I guess you mean? If you know what's good for you....

"Amy kept in hospital for further tests"

Stop it! Stop it!

It reminds me of this exchange:

DOUGAL- Father Stone's been in there a long time. Do you think he's dead?
TED- Dougal! No, they're probably just... keeping him in for tests.
DOUGAL- What kind of tests? General Knowledge?
TED- No, medical tests!
DOUGAL- Sure, what would Father Stone know about that?

(pinched from here)

"Charge drunks for treatment, say Lib Dems"

Says the Grauniad headline (via Tim W).

Besides the serious point that drinkers pay for these externalities via VAT, alcohol duties and so on, I know that the leadership hates Charles Kennedy, but talk about kicking a man when he's down.