Friday 24 August 2007

NHS Fuckwittery (2)

Not posted much recently as I managed to slice off quarter of a fingernail with a Stanley knife a couple of days ago, which makes typing rather painful.

Highlights so far:
1. Local GP receptionist ignores you for five minutes while filling in a twatty form and then say "Sorry, the nurse is busy, go to A&E instead"
2. To get seen at A&E (at 11 in the morning) you have to go through security (who sends you to reception), a receptionist (who sends you to yet another receptionist), who in turn asks "where did the accident happen?". I was still in shock and couldn't think of anything witty so I answered honestly.
3. After one hour, a nurse takes off my plaster and says "Ooh, that looks nasty, go and take a seat in reception, we can see you in one hour"
4. After about an hour, a doctor has another look and says "Ooh, that looks nasty, we'd better stick a bandage on". The same nurse comes back in and puts a bandage on and gives me a tenanus shot, which didn't hurt at all but started throbbing like crazy a few hours later.
5. Went back to local GP today to have bandage changed. As cute as a button that nurse!
6. On way out of GP's surgery, notice pile of 6-page glossy "England goes smoke free" leaflets translated into 22 different languages (I counted). Jesus H F***. Is this really necessary?
7. Oh yes, my local hospital consists of half a dozen buildings set in a few dozen acres of prime East London (plenty of grassy areas &c). The whole damn' site is a giant 'no smoking' zone. Off the top of my head, even if only 100 of the thousands of people who work there smoke five fags per shift, that wastes about 100,000 man hours per year* (because they have to walk all the way to the exit at either end of said site). Times say 1,000 such hospitals in UK makes 100 million wasted man-hours per year, wages £20 per hour, total cost £2 billion per annum, or 2% of the total NHS budget.

Thanks to Lawrence, waiting for a bandage to be changed because his GP's nurse was on holiday and the GP couldn't be arsed to hire a locum, for helping me while away the time.

100 people x five walks x 12 minutes = 100 hours x 3 shifts per day = 300 x 365 days per year.

Thursday 16 August 2007

NHS Fuckwittery

After yesterday's dental treatment, I returned to reception and proferred my debit card as usual.

"Sign here" said the receptionist, brandishing an A5 pale blue/dark blue form bearing the 'NHS' logo.

"Why?" asked I. "I'm paying for my treatment, not asking for a freebie"

"It's a form to say that you are paying the charges and are not entitled to free treatment"

"Yes, but that is blindingly obvious, that's why I'm giving you my debit card. What is the point?"

"We have no idea what the point is" summarised the receptionist "but sign and date on the front and again on the back, please. It's for their computer"